I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
