Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
