Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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