Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
