in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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