chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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