5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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