You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
