At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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