that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
