I faked an abortion last night.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
being pregnant is like rehab
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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