You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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