maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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