Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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