Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Bring me that man meat
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
