Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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