I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
