don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize