The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
