he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Drake has all the answers
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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