ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
