i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
