Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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