i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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