It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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