if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
