He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
