im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
