Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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