You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
