i just google imaged poop.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
