I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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