I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
