I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize