Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
