yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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