I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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