He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
