So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
