He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
