Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Alive.
So much puke
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Randomize
