In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
