Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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