The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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