Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
