I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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