nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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