my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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