shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
