dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
