hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
