he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
