you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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