im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
