if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize