I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
