Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
