It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
