I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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