Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
