Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
