Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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