Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
