The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i came on her dog
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
