is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
