I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
