i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
