First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
