You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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