i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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