This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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