jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
