my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Randomize
