I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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