Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
