what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
