; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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