I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
