How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
