can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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