i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
