This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
