Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
