hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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