Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
