youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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