So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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