You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
