would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
