Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
