This dress was meant to end up on your floor
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
