Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
