I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
