Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
