U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
