So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
